Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Sexy Mama

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I am not your typical girl.

I really don't like going shopping.

Okay, no, that's not true. I love shopping for anything OTHER than clothes. I'll shop for purses, shoes, knickknacks, furniture, presents for anyone. That kind of shopping I can do for hours. I can  walk around and just look without buying a thing because even the idea of what I could buy is fun.

But shopping for clothes is a dreaded chore.

Clothes shopping for me has always been a struggle. I have never been one of those girls that can just walk into a store, pick out a few things and not even try them on because I know they will fit "because I am always a size 'whatever'." I have always been jealous of girls who could pluck out a small t-shirt and pay for it without a second thought, knowing they wouldn't have to worry about it fitting when they got home or not.  I can't even think about buying any sort of article of clothing without acknowledging the fact I will spend hours of time shoving myself into one size and style after another, just praying something will look halfway decent and not cause me physical pain. Forget about buying things online, I might as well just return them as soon as I get them because they never fit. If I can't try to wrangle it onto my body ahead of time I never know how something is going to work. 90% of the time it's too tight in the chest, or doesn't cover my butt or pinches my stomach too much. I have become the Queen of Returns due to the amount of time I require to find something adequate. I usually will buy things and bring them home to try on in the privacy of my bedroom where I can moan and despair in peace.

My body type has always been on the fuller side. Make that very full. Even before I was pregnant, before I gained too much weight and became squishy in all the wrong places. Before I grew dangerous curves and the chest many porn stars pay top dollar to have artificially, I was considered a big boned girl. My shoulders are wide like a linebacker's (thanks Dad!), my hips are what doctor's love to call "birthing hips" (hopefully those will come in handy in four months), my thighs will never be svelte no matter how long I diet or how many miles I bike or run and my feet are way too big for how tall I am. I have never been, and will never be petite or delicate or even really thin. And most of the time I accept that I probably will always be plus size in some way (these knockers aren't going anywhere, after all) and move on.

Except when I have to think about covering up all these glorious curves with fabric. Then my size becomes very apparent.

With my history of shopping fears well in my mind, I put off looking for maternity clothes for as long as I could stand my jeans pinching into my gut. But when I had to either walk around with my pants undone all the time or constantly wear sweatpants everywhere (which did have an appeal to my comfort level) I knew it was time to bite the bullet and find some big girl panties; ones that fit. I had with the preconceived notion that I would find nothing, prepared myself for the crushing disappointment of having to search high and low at several different stores for perhaps one or two things that fit well enough and I would have to make do. I was destined to fail.

Which is why I believe someone was looking down on me the other day when I wandered into Motherhood Maternity on the off chance I "may" find something and ended up waddling out laden with several bags containing an entire maternity wardrobe that fits better than my regular clothes. Apparently, my body was waiting to be pregnant so I could totally rock jeans that fit like a dream and shirts that hang just right to show off my bulging pregnant belly (something I try very hard to hide usually) and make all my other wobbly bits look less, well, wobbly. I only wish I could wear these clothes forever.

Thanks to Emily who was a darling and helped me select the clothes perfect for me, outfitted me with the belly pillow so I could see how I'd look big as a house, and made me feel sexy and look cute rather than ungainly and huge. And huge thanks to my Mom for picking up the tab because this pregnant momma needed something to make her feel good and these clothes did just the trick.

2 Sprinkles:

pogonip said...

Enjoy your cute clothes!

Jessica said...

And make sure to keep the maternity pants for future Thanksgivings. ;)