Saturday, August 24, 2013

He Said She Said

I am about to tell you something so shocking, so scandalous it just may change your view of me forever.

Brace yourselves...because Charming and I are *gasp* NOT finding out the gender of our baby!

I know, I know. We already are horrible parents.

At least that is what about 80% of the people we tell this decision to seem to think. That by somehow not knowing the sex is going to cause this kid to grow up stunted, and hating us for years to come. When really it has nothing to do with the baby but all about them and their need to know. This is how these conversations usually go:

Random Person: So how are you feeling?

Me: Fine, a little tired and kinda...

Random Person: (interrupting) So what are you having?

Me: Uh, we are not going to find out. We're keeping it a surprise.

Random Person: WHAT?? You HAVE to find out what you're having! How will you know what to buy?

Me: We'll just buy gender neutral for now. I'm not too big on all blue or pink anyway.

Random Person: But how will you register? No one else will know what to get you!

Me: We need plenty of things that have nothing to do with whether it's a boy or a girl.

Random Person: But how will you decorate? You won't get the nursery done in time!

Me: Well, the kid isn't going to sleep in the nursery right away, but besides that our theme isn't boy or girl heavy so we'll be okay.

Random Person: But everything will be YELLOW, or GREEN or BROWN...they'll get nothing cute to wear.

Me: There's plenty of time to buy cute things after the baby comes. It'll mostly be wearing onesies and spit up the first few months anyway.

Random Person: I just can't believe you are not telling anyone! And your poor baby, not having it's parents know what it is until it's too late!

It's not that we are not telling anyone. We just genuinely don't want to know. This is one of life's last surprises and we don't want to ruin it. It is the great mystery of life, something our parents never had the pleasure of knowing ahead of time and we like the suspense. Besides, Charming wants a girl and I would really love a boy so this way neither of us is disappointed before the baby arrives. Because once it gets here I doubt we are going to care what it is so we'll be happy no matter what. Part of me thinks that if I find out ahead of time I may react badly and I don't want that kind of guilt. Once it's out, we can't put it back so no doubt we will love whatever we get. 

Also, there is the practical issue. If we get all boy or girl themed items, what happens if we have another child of the opposite gender of this one. We would have to buy everything all over again! And after perusing the baby section at Target the other day there is no WAY I am buying two of any of the high priced items because I got one in pink and now need one in blue. Have you seen how expensive it is to get all the crap you need for a baby? The strollers and cribs alone gave me heart palpitations. Better to plan ahead now and now instead of going into more debt later.

I was not prepared for the backlash to this decision. People really take offense when we tell them we are not going to find out. Some to an extreme I wonder about. Why is it so important to know if it is a boy or a girl? This is our baby and our choice. What we are having really has no bearing on anyone else but our little family. We are having a baby. Hopefully a healthy one. If it has a penis or a vagina does not change the fact that our lives are going to be permanently changed from now on. It does not change how we are going to raise the child or love it. It's a baby and it's welcome no matter what parts it has. (Although please little gummy bear, have a penis!! I beg you!!)

We also have to be super careful at every single doctor's appointment we have and make sure we specify we don't want to know. Because not finding out is apparently the rare choice. Most of the time people find out as soon as they can so we need to be sure every doctor, nurse and especially ultrasound technician knows our wishes. Or they may just spill the beans in casual conversation. "So I see your daughter is doing well..." What?! Yeah, a coworker of mine found out what she was having in the middle labor because a nurse failed to read the note on the chart that said the parents did not know the gender. She walked into the room and said that sentence right in the middle of a contraction. They almost made it to the finish line without knowing. I am thinking I need to request they put our file in a bright orange binder that screams on the front DON'T TELL THE GENDER!!! Because I would be the mother-to-be that punches out her OB nurse because she slipped and let us know before the critter arrives. They might not let me deliver there after that.

So boy or girl, we won't know for another four and a half months. Which means keep the princess or superhero themed outfits on hold until you know for sure. And even then I can't guarantee we won't dress our son up in pink or our daughter up in blue, just to mess with all that people that think those colors are quintessential boy or girl.

Oh, and we're not telling anyone the name choices either! (insert groans and complaints here. I know, I know, we are evil, horrible parents-to-be!)

2 Sprinkles:

Jen said...

Somehow, I had a feeling this would be the route you guys chose. It just makes sense, after all of the waiting and trying and hoping.

Lynda said...

This is what I want to do also! Forget what other people think!